Try to enjoy yourself sometime

Endless negativity really drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong. I'm a dark guy and quite often I have the tendency to see the negatives in things and people but these last few weeks take things to a whole 'nother level. I think the worst part about it is always seeing people's worst intentions. Kamil assumes the worst of people and I think it comes from making the assumption that they assume the worst of him. I think he constantly feels judged. I'm sure it stems from his relationship with his parents. On our way from Prague to Berlin we stopped at his folks house for lunch and dinner. Kamil cut out with Steve to change the tires on the van and Mika and I hung with his parents all day. We went on a long walk through town with his dad down to the lake and to the golf course where apparently the president comes to play. His dad told us, or really I should say gestured us because he spoke very little English, that Kamil used to wind surf on the lake and that during the summer it goes from very few people to very many people. It's more or less a little lake resort town. Kamil's dad did describe a little too graphically holding an imaginary binoculars in one hand and jacking off with the other hand to the ladies at the nude beach. Perhaps more information than I needed. Otherwise it was a peaceful walk and I saw a couple cozy little cabins from which I could smell and see the smoke from burning wood stoves rising up in to the sky and I definitely remember thinking it's be nice to be alone curled up by a fire without any of the hassles of the tour. For a brief moment I imagined how nice it would be to live in a little town before I let the reality that I would quickly go crazy sink in. I could definitely sense that Kamil's dad loves him very much but also that he could be a little harsh or critical. He conveyed at one point, when I got worried that perhaps the tires were done and we needed to get back to the house to start our drive, that we could call Kamil's mom because Kamil's phone is never working. At that moment I could sense how Kamil might find them hard on him but I really think most of the criticism is in his head. He claims he gets sick every time he eats his mother's food but I found it tasty and not nearly as heavy as I was led to believe. I think it's more the stress of visiting that makes Kamil become sick. In his nature is a bit of constantly freaking out about things which isn't to say he's not good at getting things done and that he doesn't have things to freak out about. He's got a young daughter and he's very concerned about providing for her given the lifestyle he leads. Life ain't easy. I just think the constant conspiracy theories and always seeing the absolute worst intentions in the people around you just aren't healthy. The world can't possibly be that fucked up and if it is what's the point of dwelling on it that morosely. Try to enjoy yourself some time and even occasionally try to seeing some good in people...